Tag Archives: inmates

8-22-09 (11:30 a.m.) Prison Shower Do’s and Don’ts for Squishy White Guys

For those who haven’t been on this side of the razor wire, the prison shower has traditionally been associated with forced mansex. The sad truth of the matter is that you are almost always safest when stripped down and soaping up with other men. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule, but generally I have found the above to be true in my experience, and these instructions – more common sense guidelines – will serve you well in all situations and should maximize your safety.

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So, this guy goes out on the yard, gets surrounded by a large group of guys, and is beaten, stripped down to his boxers, and forced to enter protective custody (or “check in” as we call it).
This other guy, just some random white guy, was raped yesterday while the rest of the block was at [...]

6-15-09 (12:15 p.m.) The Yard

You should NOT – and I cannot stress this enough – stutter nervously, look at the ground, or start to edge slowly around them while crying and clutching your buttcheeks with both hands. Totally unconvincing. Plus, it attracts other would-be butt bandits like sharks to chum. Live and learn, huh?

6-04-09 (4:30 p.m.) No Smile for Joo!

6-04-09 (4:30 p.m.) No Smile for Joo!
Today was orientation for the new guys. We got to meet and be lectured by the warden, who reminds me of Boss Hogg with hair (no one else sees this but me), but only in a vague and superficial way. In all other respects, he seems [...]

6-03-09 (10:00 p.m.) The Long Road to Lebanon: Organ Leggers, Moon Landings, and Other Various Bullshit

Well, I just got to Lebanon, and boy, is my ass sore. Actually, if I’m being honest, all of the rest of me is sore, while my ass has reached some sort of critical mass of pain heretofore unexperienced by mankind. I am gummy, smelly, and possibly in a mild state of shock. [...]

Tuesday, 04-28-09 (4:00 p.m.) Dorm Life

Life in this particular prison dorm may or may not be like the other prison dorms (though I imagine they share an awful lot), but by damn is it interesting. The differences between dorm and cell life are many, and in some (ok, most) cases an improvement, though honestly I’d still prefer a cell [...]

Thursday, 3-19-09 (10:30 p.m.) Moved Again

Instead of moving out to prison this morning (not that I’m in any big hurry, mind you) they hauled me all the way down to E block. I can tell you that the rumors about me are just as bad here as in A, so I don’t see much point, but that’s life.
One oddly [...]

Thursday, 2-26-09 (9:15 p.m.) Rectractions, Omission, and Errata

I was totally wrong about Mouth. He is not racist, he was just not feeling all that sociable that day. He’s turned out to be rather good company (snoring and such aside), if a little odd at times.
On Sunday the 22nd, a young, white rapstar was transferred in from another block. He’s a sex [...]

Friday, 2-20-09 (1:00 a.m.) Inmate Update

At the beginning of the week, we had a new arrival by the name of G-Unit, so named for his G-Unit tattoos… apparently, he realllly likes them. Makes me wonder if anyone is sporting a Vanilla Ice tattoo, or maybe a Backstreet Boys tat, and how they feel about it now. But anyway. G-Unit [...]

Monday, 2-09-09 (5:00 p.m.) Seriously God, You Can Quit Now, It Stopped Being Funny A Long Time Ago

Months and months ago, there was a large(ish) man over in B block who used to stare across the hall into A block when I’d take a shower. If I looked over, hell, if anyone looked over, he’d hold up a sign saying that he was going to “fuck the rapist” and then he’d lick [...]