November 25, 2009 – 1:33 am
Some of you may remember D-Red as Stabby McStabberson from the county jail. Few of you will care that Stabby… er… D-Red that is… is apparently feeling the weight of removing another human being from the planet, and admitted that he only intended to rob the guy and took the knife along just to scare dude, maybe to cut a motherfucker, but he didn’t mean to kill nobody. He feels that this gives him some sort of moral grounds to request/appeal for a sentence reduction because he should only have to do 10 years, not life. Heh.
November 24, 2009 – 5:30 pm
Excellent visit – sort of – with Kraty Dervish and Earth Mother Peacenik. Vend-o-matic food was good, laugh good, hugs good. Soul-crushing paranoia bad. Moderate worries about extortion attempt #15 proved true when two more dudes ran into my cell. After a minor scuffle, they ran off. No chance to use the Ninja Death Cell preparations, as I was on the toilet. Please note that this scenario has a pucker factor of a zillion. It is possible that I will be unable to unclench for approximately a year.
November 23, 2009 – 4:37 am
Extortion attempt #15 (approximately…give or take a couple) came at about 7:30 tonight, when two dudes ran into my cell and attempted to scare me into paying them. I pushed them bodily out of my cell and prepared for round two. Shut my door when I noticed about half a dozen guys waiting to run in on me. Somehow that feels like a victory for them – at least to me.
November 20, 2009 – 4:17 pm
Spraying for bugs, they woke everyone up at 6:30 a.m. and forced us to sit in the gym until now. Still seeing roaches scamper playfully through the block. By my own count, I’ve killed 7,364 roaches since I’ve been in Lebanon, and all by hand-to-hand combat. Considering roach tats for each 100 I’ve killed – maybe that’ll scare some of the as-yet unhatched legions of roaches into bypassing my cell.
November 18, 2009 – 3:33 pm
Alas, the pizza is no more. I did, however, enjoy the hell out of reading and munching on pie. My thanks to them that bought it.
November 17, 2009 – 11:08 pm
Of the 3 medium pies, only 1.5 remain. I believe that they will last until tomorrow, possibly around now(ish), and then I shall fall upon them like the ravenous, gluttonous beast that I am. Cost-to-pie ratio is very disappointing. Pizza good.
November 17, 2009 – 9:40 am
Took me fourteen days to do so, but I eventually remembered that I’d decided to do this on a daily basis. Heh. Tomorrow is pizza day. I wonder if I’ll have the fortitude to save any pizza for the next day. Highly doubtful.
Manfred von Something’s celly – Captain Child Molester Thong Pants – went to the hole today when the CO found his undies during a shakedown. Thongs, apparently, are contraband.
November 16, 2009 – 3:02 pm
Saw a guy get stabbed – cut, rather – in the chow hall. Cut the guy’s cheek all the way through, and I swear I could see teeth through the gaping hole in his face. Nobody skipped lunch in spite of all the blood; everything talked about it for hours afterward. Food sucked.
November 15, 2009 – 1:30 pm
Decided to do the daily thing…no real reason, other than the fact that time is stagnant here, and I keep forgetting to write about stuff that does happen.
Today, for instance, I saw a guy washing his thong underwear in the shower. You wouldn’t have known about that if I hadn’t started this daily thing, now would you?
November 14, 2009 – 9:29 am
For the curious, the not-so-curious, and the totally indifferent, I’ve decided to detail my highly stimulating daily routine. Anyone curious as to why I’m up at 2:00 a.m. can blame the “foxy” that my cellie – Young Riv – concocted. Usually, I sleep like a baby. (Anyone not up on prison culture – a foxy is what we used to call a “suicide” when I were a young pup. This particular blend consists of 2 cans of Mountain Dew, 10 heaping spoons of instant coffee (approximately 15-18 cups), 2 quarts’ worth of fruit punch drink mix, 1 cup of sugar, and a smidge of water to help it dissolve over about a half pound of ice in a 2-quart pitcher. It tastes like rancid ass. Riv, the rat bastard, is currently sleeping the sleep of the massively stoned, having constructed this hideous stomach-lining-eating concoction, drinking maybe half a glass, pronouncing it hideous, and passing out, leaving me stuck in an artificially induced state of ADD.
But I digress – on with the show.
My typical day starts around noonish, 2 p.m. on a good day, when they pop the doors for lunch, at which point I stagger along with the rest of the herd to one of our three lovely dining halls for what, I am told, is a varied and nutritionally balanced meal. Somehow, I always seem to end up with a tray of Chewy Chunks and Vaguely Scary Things. I’m not sure exactly how that happens. Read More »