Category Archives: Diary Entries

These are the day to day entries about life in jail.

2-18-2010 (10:30 PM) Words that Captain Dumbass Maliciously mispronounces at me:

Subtle isn’t very when you go around pronouncing it Sub-tul. It makes my eye twitchy but not nearly as badly as the word “fathom” which somehow acquires an “N” thus making it almost impossible for me to “fanthom” my inability to stab him in the face. Perhaps his inability to speak like a normal human [...]

2-13-2010 (8:07 PM) My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard

From the first, Mad Jacker latched on to me as his victim of choice only to be stymied in his quest for fat, greasy, interracial man love by my -purposely- erratic shower schedule and total unwillingness to converse with, or acknowledge his existence in any way.

02-02-2010 (11:45 p.m.) For That Special Lady In Your Life

Being that I now live in the Land of Misogyny, I hear a truly brain-melting number of invectives aimed at women daily. At first, it was amusing to parrot these things for my friends, mocking the inmates for a laugh. Then later it moved on to simply being wearying. Lately, I’ve moved back to the [...]

01-01-2010 (8:00 p.m.) Clever Title Mentioning My Lengthy Silence, Possibly With Obscure Pop-Culture Reference

While I have actually been writing my daily account/summary/cryptic whine, I have (obviously) not posted them, for the simple fact that when I went back and read over all that I had written I came to the sudden and startling conclusion that my life is seriously boring.  Also, I am far too whiny for being [...]

12-17-09 (1:45 p.m.) Play Along At Home, Kids!*

For those unfortunate few who have heard me complain about my cellie’s stench and wondered what exactly he smells like, I have devised the following home experiment. First, find and bribe the ripest, most urine-soaked and feces-encrusted “aint had a bath in nigh on thirty years” homeless guy that you can. Extra points awarded if [...]

Oh crap!

I was doing some maintenance stuff and accidentally deleted a comment from Patsie… I am sorry :^(

10-31-09 (8:00 p.m.) Happy Halloween!

I did the boring thing and went as an inmate. Medical let us use the x-ray to see if any of the shanks and hooch we collected had been tampered with, so nobody would go stabbing someone with a knife that had a razor hidden in it. All of my phat lewt was certified razor-free, [...]

10-30-09 (9:30 a.m.) Ten Thousand, One Hundred and Five

Played Red Light/Green Light with the roaches all night last night.  Kill the lights for 5 minutes or so (to lull them into a false sense of security), then turn the light on and kill! kill!  kill! Fairly certain I annoyed my cellie, but as I live in a permanent cloud of his flatulence that [...]

10-29-09 (9:15 p.m.) Zug Zug

I saw the witch doctor, he told me that I should have surgery on my knee to make the hurting go away. Shoulda taken care this 4 years ago when it happened. Doc sayeth that it has only gotten worse and, if left untreated, will potentially hobble (he said ‘cripple’) me later. I’m opting for [...]

10-28-09 (11:15 p.m.) Wednesday

I hate Wednesday. Day 4 (???) no meaningful sleep – minor nap from 1 to 1:45 today. Will sleep tonight.