Author Archives: Krusty Ruffle

04-01-2010 (9:30 PM) The Adventures of the Mad Muslim – Part The First

June 21, 2010 – 12:03 pm

My new cellie – The Mad Muslim Abdul Jihad Nasir – has decided that he needs to speak to someone in Mental Health, does he submit something stating his desire clearly? He does not. Instead he – in his infinite wisdom – decides to submit the following: [I helped with the wording a bit] In [...]

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2-18-2010 (10:30 PM) Words that Captain Dumbass Maliciously mispronounces at me:

June 3, 2010 – 4:47 pm

Subtle isn’t very when you go around pronouncing it Sub-tul. It makes my eye twitchy but not nearly as badly as the word “fathom” which somehow acquires an “N” thus making it almost impossible for me to “fanthom” my inability to stab him in the face. Perhaps his inability to speak like a normal human [...]

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2-13-2010 (8:07 PM) My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard

May 24, 2010 – 9:07 am

From the first, Mad Jacker latched on to me as his victim of choice only to be stymied in his quest for fat, greasy, interracial man love by my -purposely- erratic shower schedule and total unwillingness to converse with, or acknowledge his existence in any way.

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02-02-2010 (11:45 p.m.) For That Special Lady In Your Life

March 26, 2010 – 6:16 pm

Being that I now live in the Land of Misogyny, I hear a truly brain-melting number of invectives aimed at women daily. At first, it was amusing to parrot these things for my friends, mocking the inmates for a laugh. Then later it moved on to simply being wearying. Lately, I’ve moved back to the [...]

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01-01-2010 (8:00 p.m.) Clever Title Mentioning My Lengthy Silence, Possibly With Obscure Pop-Culture Reference

March 22, 2010 – 6:28 pm

While I have actually been writing my daily account/summary/cryptic whine, I have (obviously) not posted them, for the simple fact that when I went back and read over all that I had written I came to the sudden and startling conclusion that my life is seriously boring.  Also, I am far too whiny for being [...]

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No Date/Title

March 19, 2010 – 10:10 am

Young Riv, who at 27 isn’t quite so young as his name implies, is a career criminal if there ever was one.  A constant hustler, Riv is a vain, temperamental, and surprisingly intelligent guy who – as he puts it – likes to “live on the edge”.  Nearing the end of his sentence, Riv vows [...]

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12-17-09 (1:45 p.m.) Play Along At Home, Kids!*

March 17, 2010 – 6:54 pm

For those unfortunate few who have heard me complain about my cellie’s stench and wondered what exactly he smells like, I have devised the following home experiment. First, find and bribe the ripest, most urine-soaked and feces-encrusted “aint had a bath in nigh on thirty years” homeless guy that you can. Extra points awarded if [...]

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Oh crap!

March 2, 2010 – 3:54 pm

I was doing some maintenance stuff and accidentally deleted a comment from Patsie… I am sorry :^(

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10-31-09 (8:00 p.m.) Happy Halloween!

December 7, 2009 – 4:56 pm

I did the boring thing and went as an inmate. Medical let us use the x-ray to see if any of the shanks and hooch we collected had been tampered with, so nobody would go stabbing someone with a knife that had a razor hidden in it. All of my phat lewt was certified razor-free, [...]

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10-30-09 (9:30 a.m.) Ten Thousand, One Hundred and Five

December 5, 2009 – 10:54 am

Played Red Light/Green Light with the roaches all night last night.  Kill the lights for 5 minutes or so (to lull them into a false sense of security), then turn the light on and kill! kill!  kill! Fairly certain I annoyed my cellie, but as I live in a permanent cloud of his flatulence that [...]

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